Part 2

I only had 5 minutes this morning to write my post, but it doesn't seem right not to tell "the rest of the story" -- so for those interested, here it is...

Part 2...

"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay close by me forever and love me, I pray.  Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care, and take us to Heaven to live with Thee there."

I stood there, sleep-deprived and only half-coherent, with my younger and only sister, Emily, in the Big Lake church that Sunday in December of 2007.  I was there visiting her from out-of-town right around the time of her birthday, and we decided to load up our kids together that morning and head to church.  I had my 3-year-old son, Isaac, 2-year-old daughter, Rayah, and 9-month-old daughter, Moriyah with me.  My sister was loyally joining me in the nursing mother's room, even though her three boys were old enough to sit with her in the sanctuary.  Together, we comprised quite a three (or six)-ring circus, but it was a special day.

It was a couple weeks before Christmas, and I had been feeling a little bit funny for a couple weeks.  Standing there, singing, my mind drifted, as I recalled the events of the last week.  Several odd things had happened, including running into the youth pastor of the little church we attended in Grand Rapids in Wal-Mart.  It's where many of my special "meetings" would take place.  She and I had stopped to talk for a few moments; it was a warm, friendly exchange, and at the end, she said something that stopped me in my tracks.  "Did you hear the news?  Elizabeth is pregnant!"

What?!?  Time stood still for a moment, as this phrase hit me like a tons of bricks.  My heart-beat quickened, as I tried desperately to figure out what she was saying.  A few seconds later, I remembered that her daughter's name was also Elizabeth.   Oh, THAT'S what she meant!  However, the comment pierced my heart like an arrow, and I began to wonder... Was this the Lord's message to me?  Was this why I had been feeling funny?  Could it be?

A day or two later, I left for my sister's for an impromptu visit to see her on her birthday.  As I heard "Away in a Manger" start up that Sunday morning in church, it was the furthest thing from my mind.  It had been a wonderful, but very busy, visit, and my mind was not on the song.  Of course, you sing that song in December.  It's what you do in church around Christmas-time. :)  I was singing it by rote, while trying to keep my two toddlers happily occupied and nursing little Moriyah when we came to these words of the familiar verse, and time stopped...

"Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care, and take us to Heaven to live with Thee there..."

All of a sudden, I actually heard, and paid attention to, what I was singing!  Wait a minute!  I thought to myself...I haven't heard, or sung, this song since... yes...since THAT day...three years ago... 

The day I found out that my baby's heart had stopped beating.  The day that God spoke to my heart, "Every End is Also a Beginning."

The wheels kept turning, faster and faster now...Wait a minute!  That day was ALSO in December...I wonder!!!!  No, it couldn't be!!! ... I frantically grabbed the church bulletin and glanced at the date.  Shocked and in disbelief, I realized it was literally three years TO THE VERY DAY that I was standing there singing the same words God had put in my heart amidst the loss of our baby.  To the very day?!?  Here I was, on the 3-year-anniversary of that loss, singing that song I hadn't sung since He first gave it to me.  A sentimental, bittersweet lump rose up in my throat, and I had to stop singing momentarily to wipe away some tears.  Apparently, although I had forgotten amidst of busyness of life, HE was reaching out to show me how much He loved me, and my baby girl that He now held, and to let me know that He remembered... 

Then, suddenly, another layer of meaning began to hit me, as the phrase, "Every End is Also a Beginning" began to float gently back through my mind.  I began to wonder...was this His sign to me?!?  Combined with the comment spoken by Mary  to me, Elizabeth, about her Elizabeth.  All-of-a-sudden, the pieces began to line up.  Mary and Elizabeth coming together.  3 year anniversary of my loss.  Every end is also a beginning?!?

I tried to play it calm, but my cautious heart was starting to burst with wonder, curiosity, and anticipation.  I didn't say a word to my sister, but we stopped at the store on the way home, and I, of course, HAD to buy a pregnancy test.  "Every End is Also a Beginning" was echoing inside of me as I took the test and even more loudly, as I stared in complete awe at two lines (positive!!) staring back at me!!

"Every End is Also a Beginning."  I stood there dumb-founded and literally unable to move, as the significance of the moment hit me like a freight-train.

The VERY day I found out my baby's life had ended was the SAME EXACT day, three years later, that I discovered a new beginning -- the beginning of life for our 4th (earth-side) daughter, Miyah Shalom.  Her name means, "Who is like our God of Peace, Wholeness, and Restoration?"

The God of Mercy Who had met me in such a profound way in 2004 met me again as the God of Peace, Wholeness, and Restoration three years later, TO THE DAY, to show me how carefully He watches over our days and the details of our lives... And that even when we are too tired, weak, busy, or distracted to notice with our minds what is going on, He reaches for our hearts, sings to us, and gets the message through to us...because He takes note...He remembers...He loves!