Friday, September 13, 2013

My Introduction to Mercy-Me

A beautiful melody began to flow out of on my friend's CD player...I was sitting on Shannee's couch, surrounded by a group of some of my dearest heart-friends (as I like to call them).  A special group of women God had gathered together up in Grand Rapids, MN to love Him and love each other.  The love was so tangible in the room, and I was being engulfed by the music.  I was told that it was a music group called "Mercy Me."  I had never heard of them before that night.

This was one of the few special times I got out back then.  I had a nursing baby (my first) who was seven months old, and at the time, my husband and I were sharing a vehicle.
 
I was also pregnant again then...about 14 weeks pregnant.  I had known it was coming because God had prepared my heart, and I was very excited.  But then came the turn-of-events I could not have anticipated...

Just a few nights prior, I had woken up and knew something wasn't right.  When I went in to the ER in the late hours of the night, I was told that I was probably starting to miscarry, but they would schedule an ultra-sound for the morning.  I was crushed and crying out to God.  I was asking -- do I hang on in faith, or do I let go?

The next morning, very emotional, as I waited for my turn in the doctor's office, I mindlessly picked up a magazine next to me and opened it up.  On one side of the page, it said, "Every End is Also a Beginning," and I heard a song playing on the inside of me from the archives of childhood Sunday-school music.  "Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay close by me forever, and love me, I pray.  Bless all the dear children in Thy Tender Care, and take them to Heaven to live with Thee there."  As those words slowed down inside of me, I knew what was happening, and I knew what I would see when I walked into the ultra-sound room.  My eyes filled with knowing tears.  Sure enough, when I viewed the screen, the technician told me my baby now had no heart-beat.  I think my own heart may have stopped momentarily, too, at the news, and the tears flowed again.

Now, as I sat on that couch, a couple days later, nursing my seven-month old son, something began to happen in my lifeless, pregnant belly.  I began to pass my unborn child right there in my friend's home.  Surrounded by the love of my closest friends.  Although it was all surreal, I was keenly aware of what I heard playing in the background.  They were the words of the song, "I Can Only Imagine" which I was then hearing for the first time, as I was releasing my baby into the realm of Heaven and the Hands of Love.

The tears flowed freely, and although it was so sad, it was one of the most beautiful, holy moments of my life.  The veil between earth and Heaven in that moment was paper-thin for me, and I felt embraced by Mercy as I heard God ask me, "What would be your greatest desire for this child, Elizabeth?"  My heart immediately answered, "To grow up in a very real sense of Your Manifest Love and Presence."  And I knew that prayer was being answered...in a much different way than I had planned, in a much Higher way.  He was singing it to me, and over me, in the words of the song.

I knew I had met Mercy Incarnate in that very poignant moment, and it was so amazingly fitting to me that the song playing right then was being sung by a group called "Mercy-Me!"

(for the rest of the story, please read Part 2 above)

2 comments:

  1. What a sad, yet beautiful story Elizabeth.
    Mercy and love in heartache and death.
    You are very brave and sensitive to post this.
    Cheers.

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  2. Elizabeth, I'm so glad that you decided to write for FMF this week. My husband and I have had no luck getting pregnant, but we have some very close friends who suffered the agony of miscarriage.

    You story is so tragically beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. what an incredible thing to know that your child is literally growing up in the presence of God. The way you surrendered to God during this time is truly an inspiration to God-seeking women everywhere.

    Thank you.

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